The kids are alright

The UN commissars are totally out of control -- now they are trying to tell us how to raise our own children! These petty socialist bureaucrats waste all their time criticizing people and governments who live in the real world because they don't measure up to some ivory-tower crypto-communist fantasy of how the world should be if only they ran it.

Get a clue you morally bankrupt morons, if you ran the world we'd all be working in soviet-style collectivist work camps, with mandatory Maoist morning calisthenics and enforced singing of praises to our glorious Stalinist dictator. And we'd be huddling in canvas yurts and eating gruel because your collectivist central planning would have destroyed the economy and set our standard of living back 500 years.

But these pathetic global apparatchiks are more than happy to gorge themselves on truffles, champagne and foie gras at UN cocktail parties with one side of their mouth while out of the other side they denigrate and disparage the very free market capitalism whose surplus bounty fills their golden troughs.

Worst of all, these arrogant leeches, whose knowledge of economics wouldn't fill a small piss pot, have the gall and temerity to issue reports condemning my New Government for failing to protect Canada's most precious resource, our children.

Normally I wouldn't even bat an eye at such bureaucratic buffoonery because it's just par for the course at the UN and its freedom-hating anti-American cabals such as Unicef. But dumping their reeking rubbish report right on the heels my New Government's most important and most cherished child-protection initiative -- our youth criminalization bill -- is too cynical even for them.

Not only do these fat-cat paper shufflers criticize Canada's rates of child poverty, child mortality, child care and incarceration -- they actually have the audacity to claim that the solution is more bureaucrats and red tape regulations to control our priceless children.

My New Government's first and most solemn duty is to protect Canadian children from forced social engineering experiments conducted by busybody bureaucrats -- whether they be UN mandarins or Canadian civil service functionaries. These proxy Dr Frankensteins and Baron Munchausens want to tear our children from the bosom of their family and dump them into the gulags of collectivist daycare or state-run schools so they will be molded into good party members.

I, however, believe that parents know what is best for their children, not bean counters. That's why we make every policy effort to keep the kids at home with mom instead of shunted off to anachronistic state institutions.

And if overworked parents can't control the little hellion, our child crime plan will be there as a safety net. By making juvenile delinquents and youth criminals face up to their responsibility in society, they learn important life lessons about the real world. Coddling them and excusing their vile actions on account of age, whether it be graffitti or murder, only sets them up to fail. Processing the rowdy young troublemakers through the adult justice system will be an eye-opener that changes their whole perspective on adult hoods and their future of incarceration.

Let's face facts, artificially dredging children out of poverty with government handouts is not only a waste of honest tax payers money but it creates a culture of expectation and entitlement that predisposes the little tykes to tantrums of criminal behavior whenever things don't go their way. We are actually doing them a favor by leaving them in their natural state of poverty -- they get properly prepared for the low wage mcjobs and diminished horizons that will define their adult life.

God bless our New Government's dedication to Canadian children.