Saturday, September 22, 2007

Who let the dorks out?

It's not bad enough that the two dildos - Liberal Quasimodo and Bloc Cheezehead - are gunning for me on Afghanistan and enviro-freaks are crawling up my ass about funding cuts to Migratory birds. What can I say, if birds choose to migrate out of Canada they are not my problem.

Now some so-called corporate leaders who are supposed to be on my team are shooting me in the back over Kyoto. Just who are these business bozos on the National Roundtable on the Environment and Economy that give our fantastic new climate change plan a failing grade on nine out of nine programs.

The dumb-ass eco-terrorist loving journalists may call them the "federal government's own environmental advisory body" but I can assure you they have nothing to do with my New Government of Canada. They're a bunch of Liberal chair-warmers and know-nothing busybodies who wouldn't recognize a sound economic policy if it gave them a lapdance.

We appointed Dave McLaughlin as President (or would that be Knight) of the Roundtable last month to avert this disaster and herd the howling cats in a different direction. Dave had been a good yes-man at Finance after doing some backroom ballbusting for Bernard in New Brunswick and heavy arm-twisting for big pharma at Veritas.

But the Roundtable was too much of a certified clown show for Dave to turn it around fast enough. The Liberal bootlickers were determined to pay back their political masters who had given them the cushy gig - so they piss all over our innovative voluntary plan for dealing with the grave public relations issue of global warming. So, Big Baird had to bury the report in a late Friday afternoon press release after all the media had dozed off in their chairs or headed out early for the bars.

I couldn't go anywhere near that dog turd report because I'm about to do another turn on the global stage extolling our Made in Canada approach to climate change (okay, so the label inside says Made in USA but at least it's not Made in China). I can almost taste the warmth and applause coming from the room full of CEOs and world statesmen.

The last thing I need is a bunch of trust-fund-endowed, neo-hippy "management consultants" spouting off that my gold-plated global warming plan uses double-accounting of reductions and other shady methods. Puhleaze -- this coming from an expense-account-padding, double-dipping dork whose only business background is that your father made a lot of money in shopping malls or used cars. I have a fucking Masters in Economics specializing in Fredrich Hyek. Never heard of him? He won the Nobel prize for Economics and inspired Maggie and Ron to fight for freedom from government program tyranny, you Mercedees-driving country-club-capitalist moron.

What really sickens me about the whole putrid affair is that that some of the Roundtable goons and Judases going after us are actually senior executives of serious companies like Suncor, Alcan and Abitibi! They should be kissing my feet and blessing us for all the tax cuts and privatization fire sales they we've had dropped in their laps. Who was it that got you behind the ring of steel and into the driver seat at Montebello?

Where are the responsible corporate boards and shareholder activists? They should be forcing their executives to toe the line and support the New Conservative Government of Canada no matter what. They don't have the excuse anymore that the Liberals are in power so they have to grease their wheels. And lay off the drug-induced notion that Martin was some kind of economic guru - he only cut spending and taxes because my Reform Party was holding a gun to his head.

I think it should be a firing offense for any CEO to publicly or privately support the crypto-socialist Liberal party that wants to raise taxes and to disembowel the economy on the altar of Kyoto.

And any corporate executive who is mentally-challenged enough to donate to or vote for the commie-terrorist-loving NDP should be punished by public flogging. There is no excuse for such crimes against the economy.

God bless the New Government of Canada.

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