Monday, December 10, 2007

Commies need not apply

Some no-it-all nitwits and economic neanderthals are criticizing Jimbo's recent speech about foreign investment in Canada. They ludicrously claim that we are discouraging foreign investment or that we are "hollowing out" the Canadian economy.

Nothing could be further from the truth, the "For Sale" sign is emphatically and permanently up in Canada. We welcome and will do all we can to encourage foreign investment that strengthens Canada's family values and business fundamentalism such as the Coors takeover of Molson. On the other hand we need to ensure that our economy does not fall prey to a backdoor communism.

Canadian governments, including my own, have steadfastly and sometimes heroically moved to privatize assets and services over the last two decades, bringing the shining light of free enterprise to some dark and dank corners of our economy. The last thing we all want is for this beautiful and natural process to be undermined by communistic government-owned institutions from other less desirable parts of the world.

Such reverse-privatization would hurt ordinary tax-paying Canadians and make us all less free to embrace the capitalist brand of our choice.

To ensure that our economy continues to advance toward miltonian market freedom as God intended, My New Government of Canada is developing a National Privatization Strategy. In the new world of globalization and competition, Canada's piecemeal and haphazard privatization of yesteryear is no longer good enough.

Top notch corporate outsourcing services are not interested in a clinic here or a prison there anymore. We need a National Privatization Strategy to get all three levels of government cooperating to create multi-jurisdictional package deals. The potential economies of scale will make world class outsourcers like Sodehxo and Maximus sit up and take notice of Canada.

Canada has the raw materials to become a world leader in privatization. In fact, we have an embarrassing wealth of bureaucratic, inefficient, anachronistic government-purveyed services just crying out for the discipline of the market and the precision of the profit motive.

Healthcare is the most obvious example - Canada's anti-capitalist system has a sclerotic over-publicized Stalinist structure that's top-heavy with self-perpetuating paper shufflers and nest-feathering union functionaries who sabotage reform and change out of sheer inertia.

Canadian so-called medicare is a veritable herd of white elephants wandering aimlessly and stampeding everything in its path. The only way to restore a sustainable, natural balance is to cull the herd with the capitalist scalpel of the profit motive.

My government of Canada is ready to do it's part by outsourcing federal services from agriculture to zoology. But we have an even more important role to play in creating the National Privatization Strategy. That will enable cities across the country to cooperate in outsourcing their garbage or library services, provincial governments would be able to work together to negotiate the best deal for nationwide private health care delivery, federal and provincial jurisdictions could collaborate to rationalize and privatize prison services in concert.

We can all dare to dream of a day when bureaucrats and commissars are banned in public the way smoking is now. The government of Canada would consist solely of Parliament and the PMO - all services would be streamlined and contracted to cost effective, highly motivated, and professional corporate delivery providers.

God bless the New Privatized Government of Canada.

No comments: