Monday, September 10, 2007

A big, big day

First I had to take George aside and explain to him what country we were in and what conference we were at, then I had to personally broker the APEC climate change deal and for an encore I threw down the gauntlet on Iraq oops I mean Afghanistan. But all that didn't stop me from a driveby Liberal Quasimodo bodyslam when I nailed his lip service to global warming.

I wish George would just bite the bullet and make Dick president. As much as I admire the guy, it gets embarrassing to have to keep asking the leader of the free world questions knowing that he always responds "What do you think, Dick?" And then the veep answers "Well, I think what the President is trying to say is... blah, blah, blah."

Dick and I get along well, we could really get things done between us. We're both policy nerds, had real jobs in the oil patch and know the importance of military and energy policies that put industry in the driver's seat. I'll have to invite him lame duck hunting some time soon.

The greenhouse gas deal was a bit of a sweat - you've got the six largest emitters sitting around the table with some island nation leaders that could end up swimming to work while conference sponsors Chevron and GM are looking over your shoulder.

People were throwing around numbers, percentages, dates and targets like there was no tomorrow. So, I say, dudes we all aspire to save the planet for future generations of corporate profits so let's call the climate goals aspirational. And if we make all the targets voluntary, countries may actually reduce emissions more because they are not locked in to a specific number.

After my intervention everyone realized we could take concrete steps to do nothing and get some applause from the peanut gallery while keeping industry on board. They were like, hey sign me up. So Canada is once again a force to be reckoned with on the world stage - we can get people to agree to do nothing about an important issue like no one else.

But my favorite moment was kicking sand in the face of the anti-war wimps back home by refusing to hold a vote on Afghanistan I might lose. Pardon my French, but what's the fucking point of a democratically elected parliament if it won't vote the way I want it to. So lets just ignore the parliamentary buffoons and finish the job.

And then there's the hat, I love my new roo skin hat... don't want to take it off. Helps me get over that Viet Cong thingy.

All in all yesterday was a big, big step... toward majority government.

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