Tuesday, September 4, 2007
What I did on my summer vacation
Hands down my favorite moment of the summer was traveling up north to announce the new weaponized ice breakers and deep water military port.
I looked really presidential in my navy hat and wind-breaker when I announced billions in new military spending that even the peace-freaks in the opposition won't dare oppose. Thank god for Canada's Arctic - right off the bat that's $8 billion just for the patrol ships that's out of reach for money-grubbing social programs like child care and medicare.
The new ships have nice guns that will be really useful for photo-ops about protecting Canadian sovereignty. No media will dare mention they're not much use against Russian or American ships that have nuclear missiles and torpedoes.
Most importantly all the new ice breakers will have large helipads so I can fly in for a "mission accomplished" announcement as soon as the first one is built. And by then we'll have lots of freshly trained Arctic Rangers to cheer my speech.
What with global warming melting the Arctic ice and getting rid of the dangerous predators such as polar bears, there's going to be a big new northern gold and oil rush really soon. We'll be there to protect North American corporate interests from European and Russian encroachment.
And as soon as I get a majority government we can use the new northern infrastructure for George and Dick's missile defense shield.