Thursday, September 20, 2007

Fetching Rover for the big game

Some of the faithful are getting restless and questioning my bold strategy - woe betide them. These smarty-pants, self-declared pundits worry that I might provoke a fall election by proroguing Parliament and putting a new throne speech to a vote. These wimps think we should hang on to minority government power as long as possible by not giving any excuse for the opposition to force an election.

Hello, you scaredy-cats, who won the byelection and almost stole a second seat from Bloc Cheezehead? Why should we be satisfied with milque-toast, minority half-power when we are clearly on the march to majority house-cleaning big time, you whiny bed-wetters? The opposition wants a piece of me this fall? I say bring 'em on!

And don't think we've been resting on our well-deserved byelection laurels. We've been burning up the phone lines and getting ready to go the mattresses. The only thing missing is a campaign capo to lead the cannon fodder into battle. Tom is a great friend of mine and a trusted adviser but now that the majority brass ring is within our grasp we need to step it up to a different level.

That's why Tom, Ken and I have been working hard to get Rover up to Ottawa in time for the fall election. After all it's been three weeks since Karl's last day in Washington, so I think he has probably spent more than enough time with his family. God knows Karl must already be getting itchy about retirement if he spends his free time singing and dancing.

That's the one good thing about the White House imploding and George taking gardening leave from his agenda, there's a glut of untapped conservative GOP talent that we might be able to lure into the northern league. Peter Pan is already in discussions with Gonzo about some legal work to help us stickhandle the raghead detainees around the Geneva Convention.

Of course the Canadian league is a tough sell when the 2008 game is heating up down south - but a lot of heavy hitters are realizing it may be better to sit out the next Superbowl. Rover is the ultimate key, if we can lure him up the neo-con dream team will follow. Ken even offered Karl a cushy side gig at Hill and Knowlton where he could bat for one of his favorite teams - big pharma.

So keep the faith and dare to dream about majority power and all it entails - missile defense, ending gay marriage, and all the social programs you can kill.

God bless the New Government of Canada.

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