The kids are alright

The UN commissars are totally out of control -- now they are trying to tell us how to raise our own children! These petty socialist bureaucrats waste all their time criticizing people and governments who live in the real world because they don't measure up to some ivory-tower crypto-communist fantasy of how the world should be if only they ran it.

Get a clue you morally bankrupt morons, if you ran the world we'd all be working in soviet-style collectivist work camps, with mandatory Maoist morning calisthenics and enforced singing of praises to our glorious Stalinist dictator. And we'd be huddling in canvas yurts and eating gruel because your collectivist central planning would have destroyed the economy and set our standard of living back 500 years.

But these pathetic global apparatchiks are more than happy to gorge themselves on truffles, champagne and foie gras at UN cocktail parties with one side of their mouth while out of the other side they denigrate and disparage the very free market capitalism whose surplus bounty fills their golden troughs.

Worst of all, these arrogant leeches, whose knowledge of economics wouldn't fill a small piss pot, have the gall and temerity to issue reports condemning my New Government for failing to protect Canada's most precious resource, our children.

Normally I wouldn't even bat an eye at such bureaucratic buffoonery because it's just par for the course at the UN and its freedom-hating anti-American cabals such as Unicef. But dumping their reeking rubbish report right on the heels my New Government's most important and most cherished child-protection initiative -- our youth criminalization bill -- is too cynical even for them.

Not only do these fat-cat paper shufflers criticize Canada's rates of child poverty, child mortality, child care and incarceration -- they actually have the audacity to claim that the solution is more bureaucrats and red tape regulations to control our priceless children.

My New Government's first and most solemn duty is to protect Canadian children from forced social engineering experiments conducted by busybody bureaucrats -- whether they be UN mandarins or Canadian civil service functionaries. These proxy Dr Frankensteins and Baron Munchausens want to tear our children from the bosom of their family and dump them into the gulags of collectivist daycare or state-run schools so they will be molded into good party members.

I, however, believe that parents know what is best for their children, not bean counters. That's why we make every policy effort to keep the kids at home with mom instead of shunted off to anachronistic state institutions.

And if overworked parents can't control the little hellion, our child crime plan will be there as a safety net. By making juvenile delinquents and youth criminals face up to their responsibility in society, they learn important life lessons about the real world. Coddling them and excusing their vile actions on account of age, whether it be graffitti or murder, only sets them up to fail. Processing the rowdy young troublemakers through the adult justice system will be an eye-opener that changes their whole perspective on adult hoods and their future of incarceration.

Let's face facts, artificially dredging children out of poverty with government handouts is not only a waste of honest tax payers money but it creates a culture of expectation and entitlement that predisposes the little tykes to tantrums of criminal behavior whenever things don't go their way. We are actually doing them a favor by leaving them in their natural state of poverty -- they get properly prepared for the low wage mcjobs and diminished horizons that will define their adult life.

God bless our New Government's dedication to Canadian children.

We are all immigrants

There's a media tempest in a pisspot today because my New Government of Canada voted against a sacred cow of cows - the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous People. Hello journo-freaks the leaders of the free world voted with us - including the US, Australia and even socialist New Zealand.

Anyway, I already knocked this sitting duck out of the shooting gallery when some jerkoff reporter tried to bait me at APEC about the declaration. I managed to keep my cool and say that we had "reservations" (nice pun, eh) and we wouldn't support it just to be politically correct. But at least John and I had a great time trashing the abo-freaks at our Prime Ministerial dinner later that night.

In fact, I'd rather cut off my right arm and feed it to wild cannibals than sign that declaration. Flanagan says it is virtually an anti-progress manifesto - symbolic of all that's wrong with the indi-freaks and the aboriginal self-pity industry.

The declaration already had three strikes before I read a word of the sanctimonious prose - first it comes from the UN which is an self-important kindergarten full of rabid anti-American, anti-Semitic, anti-White fundamentalist commies. Second, the declaration was endorsed and co-drafted by the Liberals which means it must be a corrupt and wrong-headed. And third, there is no such thing as indigenous people - we are all immigrants - except perhaps for a few goat-herders still living in the Rift valley.

This is especially true in North America as Tom successfully argues in his book. We are all relatively recent immigrants here - sure some of the half naked savages arrived a few millennia before the rest of us, but on the scale of human history it's a rounding error. Anyway it's not like they did much to fix it up or utilize the land - it was a complete mess when we arrived from Europe to start organizing and harvesting the resources.

It's not our fault they didn't bother to create a proper civilization with defined borders and rule of law and deeded property. They preferred to remain lazy creatures of the elements without culture or government. And don't insult me and my God by calling their backward superstitions a religion - they worshiped rocks for Christ's sake.

I say they are free to live that way as long as they don't impede and interfere with the livelihood of other immigrants but don't go crying to mommy when hard-working people come along and want to make something of themselves and the wilderness you've been wasting all these years.

We Europeans may have showed-up a bit late to the party but we have invested the honest sweat of our brows and out hard-won capital to make this country almost as great as the US. In a misguided attempt at charity were even willing to help some the laggard savages who couldn't make the jump to the real world. But now they spit in our faces and call us oppressors and usurpers and demand that we hand everything over to them on a silver platter.

I say stop asking for handouts and start taking the proffered hand up to better your self and integrate yourself just like any other decent hard working immigrant family.

God bless the New Government of Canada.