Between a rock and a hard place

I've tried to avoid the subject of undercover police at Montebello. But after seeing the way they have been dragged through the mud by the pathological anti-prosperity protest-freaks and pistol-whipped by the media, I can't keep silent any longer.

These everyday heroes were just doing their dangerous and important job - infiltrating criminal and violent organizations to prevent serious malfeasance - such as willfully damaging property and assaulting police officers with rocks. The gangs and riff-raff that call themselves protesters should be glad these brave men were there to prevent violence and preserve the peace.

The undercover officers also increased the size of their pathetic protests. In addition to the Sûreté du Québec, the RCMP tactical squad was undercover as a training exercise, undercover Vancouver Police officers and Blackwater contractors were there to practice roles for 2010 security, the US Secret Service and Minneapolis police went undercover to dry run for the 2008 GOP convention, Mexico had their undercover Federales there for crowd control training, and Chinese national undercover officers were also at Montebello to explore tactics for dealing with foreign protesters at the 2008 Olympics. All the undercover training was coordinated by Shin Bet which is the world leader in violent crowd control.

The so-called "union leaders" were police assets as well - participating in an insitu roleplay of how to handle the exposure of undercover officers participating in a demonstration. In fact, if you subtract all the undercover security, there were probably only twelve actual demonstrators. I know because in addition to being the summit host I was overseeing all conference security from our new $100 million portable hot room. The assets from all the various agencies were identified on the big situation board along with protester movements.

The Summit was about international security partnerships so the anarcho-freaks had to expect that we would practice what we were preaching. As usual the lazy crypto-socialist media got it all wrong - berating the undercover police for being amateurish and incompetent when in fact everything went perfectly according to plan.

After dinner entertainment at Montebello

Felipe, George and I finished off our "working dinner" with $250 cigars (Cuban of course, George never misses a chance to "legally" sample the good ones) and $500 glasses of congac that Nicolas kindly had sent over. But the night was young and we wanted a little fun after the wives left us to get down to business. Fortunately, the Secret Service and RCMP had set up video monitors in the hotel so we could watch the protests if we want.

We want. What could be better entertainment that watching heavily armed riot police beating-up, pepper-spraying and arresting pro-terrorist-freaks, eco-freaks and anti-prosperity-freaks who are behaving like congenital idiots. We laughed our asses off seeing them penned in like cattle while believing they were changing the world.

And there was the bonus feature of Protest Girls Gone Wild. George had a thing for the super-butch protest-chicks with lots of tattoos and black leather jackets. Maybe they remind him of his wild and crazy time in the Air Guard when tequila was the only higher power in his life and he spend most nights passed out in tough Mexican border towns.

After a few brandys, I was hot for the hippy-dippy types with tie-died outfits and no bras. They're like the girls who completely dissed me in high school because I was a straight-laced nerd who wouldn't smoke weed. Oh, how they'd come crawling now that I'm the most powerful man in the country standing next to the most powerful man in the world.

Felipe was totally ogling the female cops. I guess he doesn't know they are all card-carrying lesbians - or maybe that's the attraction.

But seriously, do these anarcho-freaks really think they are going to affect government policy by prancing around the streets in clown outfits and gas masks? There's no big conspiracy, it's easy to get the ear of my government or any other one - just hire a lobbyist. It's not rocket science and it's not just for big evil capitalists.

Abramoff, one of the most powerful lobbyists in Washington was working for Indian bands for cripes sake. If a bunch of backward savages on reservations can figure out they need a top lobbyist surely the peace-freaks and eco-freaks can get it together. On second thought, after seeing how sad their protests were, they probably can't.