Hell hath no fury like a Harpie scorned

It's the worst kept secret in Ottawa that General Hellier envies me and desperately wants my job as Conservative Party Honcho and PM. Everyone in this great country is entitled to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness but, Big Cheese of Defense Staff or not, treason is not an acceptable path to achieve your dreams.

Here am I, the PM who without fanfare has done more to build the prestige, power, and privilege of the Canadian Forces from the halls of Ottawa to the stores of mainstreet Canada. But instead of supporting me and thanking me for my valiant efforts, Canada's chief soldier has done everything in his power to undermine and usurp me.

But his latest outrage has crossed the line big time! How dare this Queen's Hussar in a tight-assed uniform undercut the credibility and imperil the viability of Sandra, my personal spokesmouth and right-hand man eater. His limp-wristed posturing and asinine antics threaten to scuttle my government's entire Afghan PR policy.

Hellier has always had a hate hard on for Sandra, maybe he just doesn't like women who can boss him around. But now this infantile infantry imbecile thinks he can outwit me, the strategic supreme commander of both the Conservative Party and Canada? What unbridled arrogance and fellatial folly for a man who doesn't know his sodomy from his gomorah.

How could this cereal-box star crossed dress-up general have allowed the military briefing of our sworn enemy, Liberal Leader Quasimodo, on the top secret change in Afghan detainee policy? I know that he purposely laid this backdoor landmine as some kind of perverted insurance policy. He realized that it was bound to blow up in the my face and leave Sandra twisting in the news breaking wind coming from the collective Canadian media sphincter.

The next thing you know, humped-up homey Hellier will invite some pansy media whore for a private briefing about my Government's new and improved Afghan Take no Prisoners Policy. We make sure our Afghan Army "partners" are always on hand to "detain" the raghead terrorists and then they drag them to the same local jails we used to frequent but are now barred from.

This torturific strategy is a water-boarding win-win: the evil scumbags get the vital intelligence we need excruciatingly extracted from them along with their fingernails and we get to keep our hands and noses squeaky clean. A stroke of brilliance but now Hellier is chafing and giving us the shaft because it was my idea and Sandra's, not his. General Hasbeen wants to stick with the old fashioned policy of handing the enemy non-combatants over to the US for a little Guantanamo therapy.

I always suspected that Hellier was playing both sides of the street -- pretending to want only me while snuggling up to Liberal deputy macho-man Iguana-face in case of electoral inversion. But now he has blown his cover and exposed himself for naught. I will not tolerate his type of johnny-come-lately loose lips that not only sink ships but give the enemy a ball licking to keep their career on ticking.

And if he thinks he can go all Tony Soprano on me and mine, fuggedaboudit. I've got enough dirty lingerie on this hairy ass to have him busted down to buck naked private -- enjoy the cold showers and forced hard marches at boot camp, bigus dickus.

God bless the New Whup-ass Government of Canada.

Manley yes, but I like it too

The Report of the Independent Panel on Canada’s Future Role in Afghanistan is a triumph. It is a Triumph of the Will of the New Government of Canada.

But more importantly, it is a Triumph of the Spirit of Canadian Bi-partisanship - a Liberal and Conservatives coming together to defeat a common enemy in time of war. Not the Taliban but another fanatical cult that is a greater threat to the Canadian military -- the pacifist cabal of Liberal leader Quasimodo, Bloc Cheesehead and the Moustache that Roared. When will these fanatics wake up to the fact that sometimes you just have to kill poor people to help them, it's the only humane thing to do.

The Manley Report, or Manly Report as I prefer, has 30 action-packed pages that read like a Hollywood movie treatment. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and then you'll realize it's a remake of Wag the Dog meets the Green Berets starring Stalone as the Manly lead.

And in the best blockbuster tradition, a sequel is built right into the plot-- see recommendation 1a: "Early appointment of a high-level civilian representative of the UN Secretary-General to ensure greater coherence in the civilian and military effort in Afghanistan." Don't fret GI Johnny, we've already forwarded your impressive resume with a glowing cover letter to Ban Ki-moon.

But we are going to really seriously study all the report's really serious recommendations: indefinite military mission, more troops, more military helicopters, more spy drones, more Canadian Forces coordination of CIDA development projects, more effective PR to promote the mission to Canadians, more control of the mission by the PM. Okay, we don't need to study them too hard because we wrote them.

Some terrorist-huggers and pacifistopaths are trying to make a big deal of how GI Johnny plagiarized his Chair's Forward to the report from an article he wrote in Policy Options last October. How absurd, how irrelevant can you get. Even closet wikipedophiles should know that the definition of plagiarism is stealing someone ELSE's work -- it is impossible to plagiarize yourself.

Secondly, these mind-numbing morons obviously have no idea how democratic governments work. The whole point of an "Independent Panel" on policy options is to produce a report with predetermined conclusions. What better way than to have an pre-existing article from the Panel Chair that serves an introduction to the required report.

GI Johhny provided the intro, we provided the recommendations and the Panel had the hard job of jetting around the world on their expense accounts to provide the comic relief in the middle part. Don't be too hard on them, after all they are Mulroney yes-people and they had to produce a report over the Christmas holidays while spending time with their families.

One of my favorite jokes in the report is how Canadian Forces should threaten to abandon Kandahar if our allies don't come up with a thousand more troops under our command to ensure victory in South Vietnamistan. Call it the Made-in-Canada Mini-Surge. George loses more than a thousand US soldiers if he coughs too hard, so I'm sure he and Gates can find plenty of volunteers from Falujah and the Triangle of Death to come and show the aw-shucks canucks how to run a real counter-insurgency, without the white gloves. Then there's always my Plan B for Blackwater.

And what is it with GI Johnny's eyes? It can't just be contacts -- brainwashed POW, robot, sleeper cellmate, alien or zombie-- only his hairdresser knows for sure.

God bless the indefinitely extended mission of the New Government of Canada.

Canada Grabs Gold at Bali!

In yo face Quasimodo! The Liberal unleader is quaking in his pointy frogophone boots because the results are in and Canada's Conservatives have cleaned-up big time at the Bali Climate Change competition. Canada tied for first in the Climate Action Network's final fossil medal count with the US, despite having only 1/10th the population of our southern kissin' cousins.

And Canada really deserved to take the whole cake because we had four first place Golden Dinosaur awards, more than any of the other 180 countries participating at Bali. Of course those of us who hail from Alberta are not surprised at Canada's proud showing because dinosaurs are in our blood -- both our oil and tourist industries are fueled by fossils.

Canada has held its head high again on the international stage in Bali and I've given those liberal losers a bloody nose. Sure some frogophone carpers and crapules have tried to belittle our stellar performance at Bali but I know Bairdy did a heckova job.

First and foremost he managed to keep the main Bali agreement text from degenerating into a cacophony of meaningless he said 25%, she said 40% targets. By tying Bali to specific numbers today we would be prejudging the negotiations of tomorrow with the statistics of yesterday. Now we have another two years to hammer the final accord into proper shape and incorporate the important advances in climate change science sponsored by the good corporate citizens in the petroleum industry.

Now admittedly some inconvenient targets did get slipped into the Kyoto group side agreement at the last minute but all is not lost. Most importantly, George doesn't care because the US is not part of Kyoto so the side agreement doesn't bind them to anything. But the kicker is that because we've declared Kyoto legally dead in Canada with Quasimodo's acquiescence (and because Bairdy had his fingers crossed behind his back) these tyrannical targets don't apply to Canada either. Game, set and match, Quasimodo!

I called Bairdy to thank him for all his hard work in Bali and was amazed that he'd been able to achieve all this success without even showing up at some of the key sessions. This guy is one lean mean negotiatin' machine and a wild party animal to boot.

Watch out world, Canada's on a roll -- and we're peaking just in time for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Let's all pray for snow and hope that they don't get canceled because of warm weather.

God bless the world beating New Government of Canada.

A clear and present crisis

I know this may shock some of you, but I now believe that climate change is a serious existential crisis. It threatens our very existence not next century or next decade but today and next year. Defeating this global threat or at least mitigating the damage will require a sustained and substantial effort on our part.

Don't get me wrong, I still think the immoral eco-terrorist emotional blackmail campaigns are dangerous and manipulative. But the undeniable fact is that there is a lot more at stake in this crisis than some cuddly polar bears or unpronounceable island pseudo-nations.

That's the reason Big Baird is going to Bali this week -- to fight the good fight for maintaining our conservative principles while tackling this menace -- well, that and to check out the white sand beaches, hot nightclubs and wild hippy chicks which he says are worth the trip anyway.

My New Government of Canada has a solemn duty, not only to protect our own jurisdiction but to prevent this scourge from engulfing the planet. The hellish flames of global warming have already scorched our cousins in Australia. I'm not talking about the drought-fed brush fires but the doubt-fed defeat of the honorable John Howard who had only recently invited us to to address his parliament.

The warning signs are clear and unmistakable, the human cause is known and irrefutable, and our response must be strong and indefatigable. If left unchecked, not only does this global menace put our future majority in mortal danger but it threatens the very existence of my New Government of Canada.

So all of you who, like me, were prudently skeptical that global warming was a threat to our way of life, I urge you now to reconsider. The science is in, and the polls show that this issue could lead to our defeat in the next election. For my New Conservative government of Canada, it is not hyperbole or alarmism to call it a dangerous existential threat.

There can be no doubt that, as I have always maintained, Kyoto is part of the problem not part of the solution. Despite all our efforts to undermine and discredit the Kyoto Mistake and our success of making Quasimodo an accomplice in the death of the accord with our Throne Speech, the Canadian public still supports it. In the face of our incessant repetition of talking points, they unfortunately don't realize that Kyoto would destroy their economy, slash their standard of living, raise their taxes, threaten their lifestyles and poison their puppies.

Fortunately, a brighter day is around the corner and we have a chance to shape the post-Kyoto future into a sunnier place in Bali this week. Our proposals have been compelling and reasonable so what right-thinking person could reject them?

My New Government has been very clear that any new climate change agreement must include all the big polluters and have bindingly aspirational greenhouse gas reduction targets. That is why we will pushing for any international treaty to require ratification not only by the 180 countries represented in Bali but also by their largest corporate polluters.

It is obvious that no international protocol could be effective without the participation of the big corporate greenhouse polluters, so the sooner we bring them into the process the better. I firmly believe that the exclusion of corporate input from Kyoto lead to its downfall and irrelevance.

In Canada, any post-Kyoto (love that phrase) accord would need to be ratified by such national icons as Suncor, Syncrude, Transalta, Inco, Alberta Power, Imperial Oil, Alcan, Stelco, Petro-Canada, Barrick, GM-Canada - or whoever their current parent companies may be. The power of the free market would then ensure that any national mandatorily aspirational emission targets were reasonable, achievable and credible.

God bless the New Corporate Government of Canada.

Plan B is for Blackwater

My place has been party central as we celebrated our seismic shift towards inevitable majority government and the utter capitulation by Quasimodo over the Throne Speech. The Moustache that Roared even claims we already have a majority because Quasimodo is so weak-kneed. Well I guess every court needs its goofy jester. Does El Presidente like this fool? No - but he does not shoot the messenger who speaks the truth.

But with the most important election in Canadian Conservative history just around the corner not everything is smiles and kittens in our heartland. Some our core Reform support-our-troopers and patriotic Kandihawks are getting restless even though we've painted Quasimodo into a dunce-hatted dead-end corner on Afghanistan with the throne speech.

I've heard the rumblings of cry-baby concern that I've rolled the dice with the manly panel and they may come up lyin' brian snake-eyes and call for tail-between-the-legged cutting and running home to mommie. Some hardcore armchair generals are even muttering about bringing Hillier as party leader. So I want to kneecap these scurrilous scuttlebutsters before they get out of control.

First and foremost, never doubt the strategy of your blessed leader - have I ever lead my flock astray? No, I took you straight to the milk and honey of 24 Sussex - and the promised majority land is but a confidence vote away.

Second, the panel are all proud US flag waving, military cheerleading, PM-saluting, bully-boys (and girls) so the chances of them calling for ignominious retreat that will piss-off the Americans are nil to none. And just to make sure they're consciences stay on track we'll be giving them fat expense accounts and stage-managed, tear-jerking tours of the fine work our soldiers are doing to make Kandahar safe for the Afghan occupiers.

Third, and most importantly, is that we're not just standing still waiting for the manly panel's macho report, we have already activated Plan B - as in Blackwater.

Our good friends at Blackwater are already conducting special training for some of the Canadian forces heading to Afghanistan but that is only the beginning. We are negotiating for Blackwater to provide a wide range of "advisors," "logistics" and "training" on the ground in Camp Kandahar. God knows some of our candy-assed ex-peacenik soldiers need toughening up so they shoot first and ask questions later of the gang of suicide bombers known as Afghan "civilians."

And it turns out that we can get a pretty good deal per thousand "civilian contractors" since Blackwater's little contre-temps in Iraq means they have plenty of staff and blackhawk helicopters sitting idle.

First we'll rent some 'copters from them to help protect our valiant troops from roadside bombs - and to stop us from being a laughing stock in military circles. Of course these complex machines would require private Blackwater pilots and maintenance staff as well as trainers and advis\ers about how to best use them.

We can easily build our need for advisers and trainers from there until we double our "military presence" in Kandahar without sending another single Vandoo for the frogophones to whine about.

Would it be expensive with all those $1500/day private contractors there? You bet, that's the beauty of the plan. We can gobble up billions of the surplus that the opposition keep demanding we spend on God-forsaken social programs.

There are so many advantages to this plan, you'll be surprised you didn't think of it yourself. When a civilian contractor gets killed there are no honor guards or flag draped coffins to worry about - in fact they are not even part of the official casualties. George loves this because the official US military death toll in Iraq would increase 30% if he had to include his private mercenaries.

We'll have tons of kick-ass, state-of-the-art, shock-and-awe military hardware at our disposal, without having to approve a penny of capital expense. Finally we'll have a real army, just like the big boys. Big Dick has been begging me to let Haliburton in on the deal but they don't have such nice shiny toys to rent us.

So you inbred sissies, even if we have to pull every ill-equipped, under-trained Canadian soldier out of Kandahar, we'll still have more than enough firepower to continue the combat roll there. The whole manly report will be beside the point. QED.

God bless the New Private Army of Canada.

Mining the harbors for democracy

I have hardly slept a wink for three nights. Sandra, Tom, Mark and I have been too excited and busy laying the anti-liberal minefield that is the New Throne Speech to even think about sleep. We worked proudly and feverishly with a sense of destiny - believing that we were patriots changing history and creating a New Majority in this country.

There are the small anti-personnel mines like cuts to the GST that Cretin promised but never delivered, then there is the bunker-busting, ship-scuttling ordinance such as Kyoto is dead and we're staying in Afghanistan until 2011. If Quasimodo and his cronies votes for our New Throne Speech then not only will he have killed his own pet dog but we will have blown his credibility and his party into tiny unrecognizable pieces.

Our only spiritual guides for the New Throne Speech were the infallible Bible and a case of Tequila Ley Extra Anejo that George sent me. Mark, the adviser formerly known as Dion's, was crucial in constructing the booby traps and double blinds that will confound Quasimodo and his troops and strand them in a Vietnamesque quagmire. As we struggled through the long nights I often thought of other great freedom fighters in history such as Oliver North and the Contras who made terrible sacrifices for the cause of democracy.

I hesitate to compare my meager efforts to such heroism but I began to feel we were part of something bigger -- the global fight against tyranny and oppression. I dared to hope that our New Throne Speech could become a defining moment, a turning point, in the rising tide against despotism in our country - like the mining of the totalitarian Sandinistas' harbors by the brave Nicaraguan freedom fighters put that benighted country on the road to salvation.

For most of the last century Canada has been a virtual one-party state with more than 20 Liberal regimes punctuated by occasional Liberal-lite PC governments. Yes, Canada is nominally democratic but even the Sandinistas held sham elections to mask their dictatorship.

The Liberal tyrants have used their power and privilege to enslave the Canadian public with innumerable social engineering abominations, such as socialized medicine, old age pension dependency, students loan sharking, national welfare addiction, and collectivist childcare.

The Liberal juntas have often colluded and conspired with the totalitarian socialist hordes to oppress Canadians and yoke them to the unfree welfare state. This is similar to the Sandinistas' secret plotting and connivance with communist dictatorships in Cuba and Stalinist Soviet Union to threaten the peace and stability of the Americas.

I am proud to think that our New Throne Speech has thrown down the gauntlet to evil and equality everywhere while providing a roadmap to freedom and democracy here at home.

God Bless the New Majority Government of Canada.

Grit your teeth Quasimodo and eat your shit with a manly smile

Politics is usually a fun game but it's just too easy when your opponents are professional village idiots like Bloc Cheesehead, prancing neanderthals like the Moustache that Roared or especially dumbass deer caught in the headlights like Liberal Quasimodo. These three don't have enough brain cells between them to line the bottom of a bird cage. It's like tricking Wiley Coyote, knowing he'll walk into the trap every time takes the fun out of it.

The latest cliff they obligingly walked over with legs flailing is my tory-blue ribbon Manly Afghan commission. This thing kills about twelve birds with one stone: reminds people that the Liberals got us into Kandahar, pulls the red carpet out from under any Afghanistan debates for three months, provides me with teflon coating in case any more vandoos bite le biscuit, makes extending the mission seem non-partisan -- especially after its report supports my position for finishing the job, wink-wink, leaves Quasimodo droolingly slack-jawed, and, most importantly, locks and loads us for our next shot at majority.

Don't think I would have let this johnny on the spot without making sure he was onside with more combat troops. Let's call Manley a recovering Liberal after he chaired the US Council on Foreign Relations task force which recommended North American economic and social union as he was cheered on by his CFR buddies Wolfowitz, Cheney and Irving Kristol.

Even if he manly decides to doublecross me, the majority of the the panel are tried and true tory yes-men who can be counted on to vote their consciences as I dictate. And don't even get me started on hair-flipping Wallin, She's just so excited to be playing with the big boys that she'd vote to send Mansbridge to the electric chair if I hinted it was a good idea. Or at least the ex-Mrs-Mansbridge Mesley - she really has the hates for that neo-hip limousine-left poser.

And now Quasimodo's surrender-monkeys have sprung into action - they've already admitted defeat on the throne speech and now they're trying to smother the manly panel news by offering BIGGER corporate tax cuts, What The Fucking Fuck, pardon my french. Is Quasimodo really trying to outflank me on the right? -- he must have had too much laughing gas.

The pre-election panic is palpable everywhere - the Moustache that Roared has his leather pants on so tight that he's started parroting our line that Quasimodo is not a leader. The socialistas even copied our "what me a dumbshit?" picture of Quasimodo to use on their website.

Oh how the flaky have fallen - right into my trap for bid brains. The so-called opposition has commenced collective suicide on my command. Divide and Rule rulez!

God bless the New Majority Government of Canada.

Outremont Outrage!

I think Liberal leader Quasimodo might have managed the impossible - he's made me feel sorry for him. How can he and his advisors be so inept that they could lose Outremont which has voted Liberal for 70 years.

I was actually rooting for him on Monday because if there's one thing I hate more than a smug, pointy-headed, frogophone politician who massacres the English language, squeeks like a girl and is wishy washy to the bone -- it's ANY socialist politician. When the Devilspawn leftoid NDPeeps won Outremont after all I've done for Quebec, I lost my fucking lunch, pardon my French.

This riding is full of wealthy, well-educated people who make out like bandits from my tax cuts (and the ones I forced on Paul Martin), I've one-upped the distinct society by calling the Quebecois a Nation (of losers). And yet they are still flirting with the foaming-at-the-mouth socialists - it's an outrage! The Moustache that Roared will be prancing around Ottawa in leather pants like one of the Village People, proclaiming a breakthrough and that the red army is on the march.

I just don't get frogophones - the politicians and voters will cut off their big gaulish noses despite their faces that pinch like a sphincter when they talk. They think they're so bloody superior and to prove they're more European than Anglo-Saxon they'll create a huge white-elephant welfare state they don't even want - like their collectivist nanny-state daycare.

I don't mind Quebec separatists, after all they inspired my call defacto Alberta separation if we can't get rid of the Canada Health Act and Canada Pension Plan on the national level. What really gets my goat is that so many of PQ-nises are card-carrying commie-freaks in separatist clothing like Leveque and Parizeau. What douche-bags would want to leave Canada to become a province of the Soviet Union or Cuba for freaks sake?

I do hate the whiners and snivelers who blame everything on English or Ottawa and hold the country for ransom. All my political life I fought the Chamberlainesque appeasers like Brian, and even Preston, who caved in to the extortion. Then Mulroney convinced me that the only road to 24 Sussex goes through Quebec. So I had to hold my nose and become an appeaser myself but I feel kind of dirty - like I need to shower off some Batiste parade pigeon shit.

Working with Jean and then Mario, I've finally managed to pry the frogophones from the cold dead hand of the crypto-communist PQ on the provincial level, but now they're jumping into bed with the socialists federally. Since the Outremounters were so ungrateful and stupid that they voted totalitarian-left on Monday, all bets are off. I will have to put some of that old Reform stick about and teach them a lesson in hardball politics.

A big, big day

First I had to take George aside and explain to him what country we were in and what conference we were at, then I had to personally broker the APEC climate change deal and for an encore I threw down the gauntlet on Iraq oops I mean Afghanistan. But all that didn't stop me from a driveby Liberal Quasimodo bodyslam when I nailed his lip service to global warming.

I wish George would just bite the bullet and make Dick president. As much as I admire the guy, it gets embarrassing to have to keep asking the leader of the free world questions knowing that he always responds "What do you think, Dick?" And then the veep answers "Well, I think what the President is trying to say is... blah, blah, blah."

Dick and I get along well, we could really get things done between us. We're both policy nerds, had real jobs in the oil patch and know the importance of military and energy policies that put industry in the driver's seat. I'll have to invite him lame duck hunting some time soon.

The greenhouse gas deal was a bit of a sweat - you've got the six largest emitters sitting around the table with some island nation leaders that could end up swimming to work while conference sponsors Chevron and GM are looking over your shoulder.

People were throwing around numbers, percentages, dates and targets like there was no tomorrow. So, I say, dudes we all aspire to save the planet for future generations of corporate profits so let's call the climate goals aspirational. And if we make all the targets voluntary, countries may actually reduce emissions more because they are not locked in to a specific number.

After my intervention everyone realized we could take concrete steps to do nothing and get some applause from the peanut gallery while keeping industry on board. They were like, hey sign me up. So Canada is once again a force to be reckoned with on the world stage - we can get people to agree to do nothing about an important issue like no one else.

But my favorite moment was kicking sand in the face of the anti-war wimps back home by refusing to hold a vote on Afghanistan I might lose. Pardon my French, but what's the fucking point of a democratically elected parliament if it won't vote the way I want it to. So lets just ignore the parliamentary buffoons and finish the job.

And then there's the hat, I love my new roo skin hat... don't want to take it off. Helps me get over that Viet Cong thingy.

All in all yesterday was a big, big step... toward majority government.

Time to crack some frog heads

They never knew what hit them. The double dildo tag team thought they could outsmart me by forcing a vote in parliament on Afghanistan. But I pulled the mat right out from under Quazimodo and Mr. Cheezehead. And the Mustache that Roared got hammerlocked in the bargain.

I've prorogued parliament so they won't have an audience for their petty grandstanding ploys for at least another six weeks. As a bonus all their idiotic committee amendments to our sensible and corporately-crafted legislation will be tossed out the window. As if I'm going to pass my clean air act after those opposition monkeys got their filthy paws all over it and turned it into one stinking turd of a bill.

While they are cooling their heels in Ottawa or having temper tantrums about no question period, I'll be looking presidential as I make more government spending announcements with our huge surplus and have photo ops with world leaders. That way I continue to wipe the floor with the opposition "leaders" in the polls.

Then in October they'll be so raging blind they'll bring the government down on my motherhood and apple pie throne speech. Majority here we come.

Fealty towers

I had my Basil Fawlty moment this week when I went to Victoriaville. I was ready to do another barn-burning speech about Canada being back on the world stage because of its military victories in Afghanistan. But then the Vandoos were hit with a roadside bomb and the opposition smelled blood so Sandra said "don't mention the war." I replied, "Que?" but she she didn't get the joke.

Now Bloc Cheezehead and Liberal Quasimodo trying to tag team me in a desperate attempt to make the war relevant to the Quebec byelections. They clamoring for an "emergency" debate in Parliament about a decision that is more than a year off. These are two of the dimmest bulbs in parliament - don't ask me how they got to be "leaders."

Flanagan calls them the double dildo - they screw the country from both the federalist and separatist sides at once. I think Cheezehead - I mean tête-fromaj - takes the cake. Even his provincial party don't want him - he'd rather sit here in Ottawa carping and complaining, knowing he'll never have any real power but drawing a juicy salary and a fat pension from the country he loves to hate.

Their attempt to drag the dead soldiers into the byelections is pathetic grandstanding and soon the Mustache the Roared will be sticking his bald head into the breach as well. Even more pathetic is that their "Quebec lives are worth more" gambit will probably work.

The sad truth is that frogophones always stick together, especially when there's a chance of blackmailing the rest of the country. That's why I had to create the Reform Party for frigs sake.

Yes it's tragic that two Quebecois soldiers were killed but Albertans don't whine and turn tail when dozens of their province-mates gave the utlimate sacrifice - they just grit their teeth and put "Support Our Troops" ribbons on their SUVs.

After all, that's what soldiers are paid for - to die for the glory of their country, their emperor, or their commander-in-chief. To make their leader a player on the world stage. The opposition want the Quebec soldiers to get out of combat and start giving candy to kids and helping veiled old ladies cross the street. Where's the guts and the glory in that? Humanitarian mission = who cares. If you force our combat-hardened troops to become namby-pamby peacekeepers again they'll become demoralized, morale will plummet and the Canadian military will end up in the toilet.