Time to crack some frog heads

They never knew what hit them. The double dildo tag team thought they could outsmart me by forcing a vote in parliament on Afghanistan. But I pulled the mat right out from under Quazimodo and Mr. Cheezehead. And the Mustache that Roared got hammerlocked in the bargain.

I've prorogued parliament so they won't have an audience for their petty grandstanding ploys for at least another six weeks. As a bonus all their idiotic committee amendments to our sensible and corporately-crafted legislation will be tossed out the window. As if I'm going to pass my clean air act after those opposition monkeys got their filthy paws all over it and turned it into one stinking turd of a bill.

While they are cooling their heels in Ottawa or having temper tantrums about no question period, I'll be looking presidential as I make more government spending announcements with our huge surplus and have photo ops with world leaders. That way I continue to wipe the floor with the opposition "leaders" in the polls.

Then in October they'll be so raging blind they'll bring the government down on my motherhood and apple pie throne speech. Majority here we come.

Fealty towers

I had my Basil Fawlty moment this week when I went to Victoriaville. I was ready to do another barn-burning speech about Canada being back on the world stage because of its military victories in Afghanistan. But then the Vandoos were hit with a roadside bomb and the opposition smelled blood so Sandra said "don't mention the war." I replied, "Que?" but she she didn't get the joke.

Now Bloc Cheezehead and Liberal Quasimodo trying to tag team me in a desperate attempt to make the war relevant to the Quebec byelections. They clamoring for an "emergency" debate in Parliament about a decision that is more than a year off. These are two of the dimmest bulbs in parliament - don't ask me how they got to be "leaders."

Flanagan calls them the double dildo - they screw the country from both the federalist and separatist sides at once. I think Cheezehead - I mean tête-fromaj - takes the cake. Even his provincial party don't want him - he'd rather sit here in Ottawa carping and complaining, knowing he'll never have any real power but drawing a juicy salary and a fat pension from the country he loves to hate.

Their attempt to drag the dead soldiers into the byelections is pathetic grandstanding and soon the Mustache the Roared will be sticking his bald head into the breach as well. Even more pathetic is that their "Quebec lives are worth more" gambit will probably work.

The sad truth is that frogophones always stick together, especially when there's a chance of blackmailing the rest of the country. That's why I had to create the Reform Party for frigs sake.

Yes it's tragic that two Quebecois soldiers were killed but Albertans don't whine and turn tail when dozens of their province-mates gave the utlimate sacrifice - they just grit their teeth and put "Support Our Troops" ribbons on their SUVs.

After all, that's what soldiers are paid for - to die for the glory of their country, their emperor, or their commander-in-chief. To make their leader a player on the world stage. The opposition want the Quebec soldiers to get out of combat and start giving candy to kids and helping veiled old ladies cross the street. Where's the guts and the glory in that? Humanitarian mission = who cares. If you force our combat-hardened troops to become namby-pamby peacekeepers again they'll become demoralized, morale will plummet and the Canadian military will end up in the toilet.